Confidence Boost: Why is this so hard for me? Understanding your workplace insecurities.

In this quick boost episode, Erin dives into a question so many of us ask when we’re feeling overwhelmed in a new role: Why is this so hard for me? She unpacks the real reason behind the struggle — and why it doesn’t mean you’re broken, weak, or not cut out for the role. Erin offers a simple, powerful way to reframe your experience, helping you move through doubt and insecurity without adding unnecessary drama. Tune in for a grounded perspective that will help you meet yourself with more clarity, self-compassion, and strength.

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Transcript

Why does this feel so hard?

Speaker 1 0:01

It's incredibly frustrating to feel like something is so difficult for us and it appears to be easier for the people around us .

Speaker 1 0:11

So let's dive in and answer this question of why does this feel so hard for me ? And let's give your brain an answer that is going to stop the spinning , the self-judgment and the feeling that you're broken in some way . Tune in , hello , hello . Welcome back to another Confidence Boost episode , really loving coming in here and giving you all something quick , short , sweet , but to the point . So this week we are going to dive in and answer the question that so many of us have . When we are stuck feeling insecure , when we're in a challenge and a lot of self-doubt is coming up , I find that myself included , tends to get really stuck on asking ourselves the question why is this so hard for me ? Why am I struggling

You are not broken

Speaker 1 1:08

so much ? Why can't I just feel confident ? And while the question itself seems really innocent and rational and a lot of us want the answer to the question because we think if I find the answer , I'm going to stop feeling this way , and the truth is , sometimes finding the answer doesn't actually undo the feeling . The feeling itself is rooted in a lot of fears and insecurities that sometimes need a little bit more time and attention to get rid of . But what I want to focus on today that I think is really important is that the question of why is this so hard for me ? Often has in it a really deep judgment that it shouldn't be hard , that I shouldn't be feeling this way , that this situation shouldn't be as challenging for me as it is . So I want to answer the question why is this so hard for me ? And I want to talk about what I want you to do when it comes up , what I want you to say to that question , so that you don't get stuck spinning in it . So I'm going to use the basic example of you being in this new job . It could be that you're not brand new anymore and maybe you're feeling like there's a new challenge at work that's really hard , or that giving feedback to your team is really hard for you . It could be anything that really is bringing up a lot of insecurity and self-doubt for you and you start finding yourself questioning your capabilities , second-guessing yourself , trying to prove yourself , and your brain starts to answer the question ask , I'm sorry , ask the question why is this so hard for me ? The first thing I want to say is you are not broken , you are not weak , you're not overly sensitive , you're not fragile because you are struggling with an insecurity in your job .

Workplaces magnify our insecurities

Speaker 1 3:01

Work feels hard because workplaces are like magnifying glasses . You may have heard me talk about this in other episodes . I think it's really important to be reminded of this . The workplace brings up all of our human needs to impress , connect , be seen , be validated . On top of this , you are being paid to perform . You're literally getting handed money to perform . So your food , your water , your shelter and your status are connected to all of this .

Speaker 1 3:35

In the workspace . This even tends to bring up , for a lot of people , this deep , deep , deep sense of belonging , like the human desire to be in group and to belong , and so you start to connect your performance , making mistakes , the fear of failure to all of those things . So what happens in a workplace is the brain tends to overblow the risk , so it doesn't understand the nuances of your financial situation , that you have a support network outside of work , that you have a broader community , that you're safe and secure in many , many ways . So what happens is a lot of these deeper instincts kick in and it taps into our biggest insecurities . So if your biggest insecurity throughout your life has been feeling like you're not smart enough , this will often get magnified in your workplace . If it's that people don't like you , if it's that you aren't as dynamic as other people or you're not as extroverted enough or you don't have enough charisma , like whatever your big insecurity is , it tends to get extremely magnified in the workplace because of this connection , of food , water and shelter , of money , of being paid , of being evaluated , of having our performance looked at .

Speaker 1 4:58

So it's tempting to interpret this struggle as a sign that something's deeply wrong with me , and the brain can get into a lot of drama where it's like why is it doing this ? Why am I not confident ? Why am I feeling this way ? Why is this always a struggle for me ? And it starts to

Right-sizing your workplace challenges

Speaker 1 5:18

connect this experience to like something really inherently wrong with you or something about who you are that's broken and that starts to feel like a part of your identity . That's broken and that starts to feel like a part of your identity .

Speaker 1 5:38

And I always want to steer my clients away from starting some big narrative about themselves that , like I'm a person who doesn't have confidence and gets insecure , and we can really get stuck feeling connected to that as a part of our identity and kind of overblowing that , especially when it's showing up in the workplace because things feel so heightened in this space . So I want to ask you to try answering the question when it comes up with a simple and clear answer , when it says why is this so hard for me ? Why are my insecurities getting kicked up ? Why am I having self-doubt ? I want you to just let yourself answer the question with a statement that workplaces magnify our insecurities . This is really normal . Workplaces magnify insecurities . This is one of mine . That's why it's being brought up and brought to the surface right now . Just give it a clear , calm answer and try to avoid indulging it or spinning in it . Let yourself just be in a space that accepts that this insecurity is coming up . Don't judge it , don't push against it , don't indulge it . We're just going to let it be that it's happening .

Speaker 1 7:02

For some of you , this will really ease what's happening . It will right size it . You might have some discomfort , but you'll move past it . Some discomfort , but you'll move past it . Certainly , for some of you , it may be that once you stop pushing against it , you may evaluate hmm , this is really becoming too disruptive to my work or my well-being , and so I want to take this to my therapist . Get support , slow down , look into this more , but the first step is so important and it's a step that so many people miss , and it's sometimes all we need to move past what's going on .

Speaker 1 7:45

So today's quick boost is just for you to answer the question

Simple answer to stop self-judgment

Speaker 1 7:52

. I'm in the workplace and it naturally amplifies insecurities . This is normal . Be clear . Be direct with yourself when your brain demands to know why . Stop using it against yourself . Let yourself be in a challenge that's kicking up your insecurities without making yourself feel bad because those insecurities are getting kicked up . Okay , thank you for joining me for this quick boost episode . If you're feeling stuck in self-doubt or frustration and it's really interfering with your well-being , with your daily life in your workplace , you can head over to ErinMFoleycom . The link is in my show notes . I will see you back here with another great episode for you . Have a great week .