New Role Now What?

Confidence Boost: Why is this so hard for me? Understanding your workplace insecurities.

• Erin Foley

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In this quick boost episode, Erin dives into a question so many of us ask when we’re feeling overwhelmed in a new role: Why is this so hard for me? She unpacks the real reason behind the struggle — and why it doesn’t mean you’re broken, weak, or not cut out for the role. Erin offers a simple, powerful way to reframe your experience, helping you move through doubt and insecurity without adding unnecessary drama. Tune in for a grounded perspective that will help you meet yourself with more clarity, self-compassion, and strength.

We're eager to hear from. you.  Reach out with your queries or topics at: NewRoleNowWhat@gmail.com.
 
Find information on working with Erin at:
ErinMFoley.com

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It's incredibly frustrating to feel like something is so difficult for us and it appears to be easier for the people around us.

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So let's dive in and answer this question of why does this feel so hard for me? And let's give your brain an answer that is going to stop the spinning, the self-judgment and the feeling that you're broken in some way. Tune in, hello, hello. Welcome back to another Confidence Boost episode, really loving coming in here and giving you all something quick, short, sweet, but to the point. So this week we are going to dive in and answer the question that so many of us have. When we are stuck feeling insecure, when we're in a challenge and a lot of self-doubt is coming up, I find that myself included, tends to get really stuck on asking ourselves the question why is this so hard for me? Why am I struggling so much? Why can't I just feel confident? And while the question itself seems really innocent and rational and a lot of us want the answer to the question because we think if I find the answer, I'm going to stop feeling this way, and the truth is, sometimes finding the answer doesn't actually undo the feeling. The feeling itself is rooted in a lot of fears and insecurities that sometimes need a little bit more time and attention to get rid of. But what I want to focus on today that I think is really important is that the question of why is this so hard for me? Often has in it a really deep judgment that it shouldn't be hard, that I shouldn't be feeling this way, that this situation shouldn't be as challenging for me as it is. So I want to answer the question why is this so hard for me? And I want to talk about what I want you to do when it comes up, what I want you to say to that question, so that you don't get stuck spinning in it. So I'm going to use the basic example of you being in this new job. It could be that you're not brand new anymore and maybe you're feeling like there's a new challenge at work that's really hard, or that giving feedback to your team is really hard for you. It could be anything that really is bringing up a lot of insecurity and self-doubt for you and you start finding yourself questioning your capabilities, second-guessing yourself, trying to prove yourself, and your brain starts to answer the question ask, I'm sorry, ask the question why is this so hard for me? The first thing I want to say is you are not broken, you are not weak, you're not overly sensitive, you're not fragile because you are struggling with an insecurity in your job.

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Work feels hard because workplaces are like magnifying glasses. You may have heard me talk about this in other episodes. I think it's really important to be reminded of this. The workplace brings up all of our human needs to impress, connect, be seen, be validated. On top of this, you are being paid to perform. You're literally getting handed money to perform. So your food, your water, your shelter and your status are connected to all of this.

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In the workspace. This even tends to bring up, for a lot of people, this deep, deep, deep sense of belonging, like the human desire to be in group and to belong, and so you start to connect your performance, making mistakes, the fear of failure to all of those things. So what happens in a workplace is the brain tends to overblow the risk, so it doesn't understand the nuances of your financial situation, that you have a support network outside of work, that you have a broader community, that you're safe and secure in many, many ways. So what happens is a lot of these deeper instincts kick in and it taps into our biggest insecurities. So if your biggest insecurity throughout your life has been feeling like you're not smart enough, this will often get magnified in your workplace. If it's that people don't like you, if it's that you aren't as dynamic as other people or you're not as extroverted enough or you don't have enough charisma, like whatever your big insecurity is, it tends to get extremely magnified in the workplace because of this connection, of food, water and shelter, of money, of being paid, of being evaluated, of having our performance looked at.

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So it's tempting to interpret this struggle as a sign that something's deeply wrong with me, and the brain can get into a lot of drama where it's like why is it doing this? Why am I not confident? Why am I feeling this way? Why is this always a struggle for me? And it starts to connect this experience to like something really inherently wrong with you or something about who you are that's broken and that starts to feel like a part of your identity. That's broken and that starts to feel like a part of your identity.

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And I always want to steer my clients away from starting some big narrative about themselves that, like I'm a person who doesn't have confidence and gets insecure, and we can really get stuck feeling connected to that as a part of our identity and kind of overblowing that, especially when it's showing up in the workplace because things feel so heightened in this space. So I want to ask you to try answering the question when it comes up with a simple and clear answer, when it says why is this so hard for me? Why are my insecurities getting kicked up? Why am I having self-doubt? I want you to just let yourself answer the question with a statement that workplaces magnify our insecurities. This is really normal. Workplaces magnify insecurities. This is one of mine. That's why it's being brought up and brought to the surface right now. Just give it a clear, calm answer and try to avoid indulging it or spinning in it. Let yourself just be in a space that accepts that this insecurity is coming up. Don't judge it, don't push against it, don't indulge it. We're just going to let it be that it's happening.

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For some of you, this will really ease what's happening. It will right size it. You might have some discomfort, but you'll move past it. Some discomfort, but you'll move past it. Certainly, for some of you, it may be that once you stop pushing against it, you may evaluate hmm, this is really becoming too disruptive to my work or my well-being, and so I want to take this to my therapist. Get support, slow down, look into this more, but the first step is so important and it's a step that so many people miss, and it's sometimes all we need to move past what's going on.

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So today's quick boost is just for you to answer the question. I'm in the workplace and it naturally amplifies insecurities. This is normal. Be clear. Be direct with yourself when your brain demands to know why. Stop using it against yourself. Let yourself be in a challenge that's kicking up your insecurities without making yourself feel bad because those insecurities are getting kicked up. Okay, thank you for joining me for this quick boost episode. If you're feeling stuck in self-doubt or frustration and it's really interfering with your well-being, with your daily life in your workplace, you can head over to ErinMFoleycom. The link is in my show notes. I will see you back here with another great episode for you. Have a great week.